Tuesday, September 15, 2009

True love versus attachment

It's extraordinarily difficult to give affection, attention, acceptance, appreciation, and allowing to another person without wanting or expecting anything in return.  The difference in giving these things without expecting to get them in return and giving these things with the expectation that the person will also give them to you is the difference between true love and artificial love.  True love requires you to love without expecting anything in return because you love the other person for who he or she is, not for how he or she can meet your needs. 

This is something I'm really struggling with.  It's easy for me to give affection, attention, acceptance, appreciation, and allowing to another person -- for me it comes quite naturally.  I tend to get angry, however, when the other person does not do the same for me.  The fact that I become upset about this suggests attachment -- If I didn't expect to get these things in return I wouldn't be disappointed when it doesn't happen. 

One thing that helps me is to view both myself and the other person with compassion.  First myself -- I give myself permission to be human.  Humans become attached.  Humans seek to get their needs fulfilled by other people.  It's ok for me to be human.  Second, the other person -- I realize that he is not intentionally withholding acceptance, attention, affection, appreciation, and allowing.  He is giving what he is capable of giving at this time in his life.

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