Thursday, September 3, 2009

Self-Defeating Beliefs

How the way I seek out security makes me feel more insecure:

1. Belief: "I cannot be happy without a partner."

Makes me feel compelled to

2. Date frequently/seek out a partner


3. Insecurities about my relationships with men ("Why won't anyone commit to me?" "Is there something wrong with me?")


4. Self doubt; discontent; unhappiness


1. Belief: "I cannot be happy without a partner."

It's a self-perpetuating cycle. I've only recently become aware that I engage in this self-defeating cycle of behavior.  This discovery has reinforced my committment to be mindful when I find myself wanting one of the Five A's (as opposed to trying to get someone else to meet my need for attention, affection, etc.). In order to extinguish my faulty belief that "I need a partner to be happy" I have to learn to meet my own emotional needs at least 75% of the time. I know I'm not the only person (and definitely not the only woman) who feels like she is complete only when she has a significant other in her life. I'll talk more about this in future posts.

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