Friday, September 11, 2009

Attachment and Acceptance -- Saying I Love You

So I'm debating whether or not I should utter those three words that change everything to my special someone.  In considering this I've thought a lot about why I want to tell him I love him.  My initial thought was that I want to tell him because I want him to know.  So I asked myself why I want him to know.  I didn't immediately have an answer to this question so I looked at what's stopping me from telling him.  That's easy -- I'm afraid of saying "I love you" and being met with absolute silence in response.  It would go something like this:

Me: "I love you."
Him: Awkward silence.
Me: Awkward silence.

I realized that if he doesn't feel the same way about me I would feel completely rejected.  Which made me realize that I want to say "I love you" because I want his acceptance.  In other words, my fear of rejection stems from my desire for acceptance.  This leads me to conclude that I want to say "I love you" for selfish reasons -- because I want him to love me too.  Which suggests that my feelings are more about attachment -- that is to say, the focus is on him meeting my needs, not on me loving him for who he is. 

To me, this means that I'm not ready to tell him I love him.  I think I should wait  until I can say with certainty that I love him for him, not for the needs I want him to meet for me.  How will I know when this moment has arrived?  I suppose I will know when I am no longer afraid that he will not feel the same way -- when it no longer matters how he feels about me at all.  I wonder if this moment will ever come.

1 comment:

  1. Hey Melody,
    I tried to comment, but pressed a button and it erased. Too mush to write again!


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