In his 1988 article, Nico Frijda proposed several "laws" that govern human emotion. Reason, he explained, is not the opposite of emotion. To the contrary, emotions appear to follow certain "laws," akin to the "laws of nature" that govern various aspects of the physical world.
Emotions form the very core of my work as a psychotherapist; psychological wounds cannot be healed by rational thought alone. And yet, emotions can be difficult, distressing, or deeply confusing - for everyone, myself included. Part of my job is to guide others through a sea of complicated emotions without overwhelming them.
It helps me to understand how emotions function, which is why I found Frijda's work so interesting. In all, Frijda identifies twelve laws of emotion; I have no intention of discussing them all, at least not today. Rather, I thought I'd talk about a few of the laws that seem most relevant to my work (and quite frankly, to my personal life as well).
The Law of Habituation: Repeated or continued exposure to any given emotion decreases the intensity of that emotion. Consider the popular adage, "Time heals all wounds." This truism is not entirely accurate. It is not time but habituation that causes the pain of loss to abate over time. Unfortunately, it is not only pain that loses its edge with the passage of time; so too does pleasure. Upon accomplishing a long sought after goal, we initially experience a surge of pride, excitement, and satisfaction. These feelings fade once the novelty of the situation wears off. Love, romance, and passion are similarly intoxicating in the early stages of a romantic relationship; over time, however, we habituate to these emotions, causing them to gradually lose their lustre. The law of habituation also explains why people who repeatedly bear witness to the cruel and inhumane treatment of others eventually become impervious to human suffering.
While there are no constraints on the amount of pleasure to which we can habituate, the same cannot be said for suffering. Frijda explains this rather eloquently: "There exists, it would seem, misery that one does not get used to." He calls this phenomenon the law of hedonic asymmetry. The basic premise is this: we habituate to even the most intense feelings of pleasure, which therefore abate with continued exposure. Pain, on the ohter hand, will persist unabated in the presence of continued adverse circumstances. (I'll talk about why this is some other time).
So satisfaction "wears off" but pain never does. How depressing is that? But Frijda suggests -- almost as an afterthought -- that the outcomes of these laws are not inevitable. He goes on to say something very profound, a truth that seems to resurface again and again. "Adaptation to satisfaction," he explains. "Can be counteracted by constantly being aware of how fortunate one's condition is and of how it could have been otherwise...by rekindling impact through recollection and imagination." Frijda is telling us to practice gratitude. If we make time each day to think about and appreciate the good things in our lives, we can renew and invigorate our feelings of happiness and satisfaction.
Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Is it possible not to have feelings?
A lot of my patients describe themselves as "emotionally detached." Some of them tell me they've always been this way. Others nostagically recall a time when things were different and find it disturbing that they can no longer experience emotion.
A healthy emotional life is essential to overall well being. Apart from enrigching our lives, emotions are important sources of information. Emotions enable us to respond quickly to situations we don't yet understand. They help us to evaluate new situations and unfamiliar environments. They allow us to quickly identify what is important in a given situation and what is not; they direct our attention towards certain stimuli and away from others. In short, emotions help us function.
Unfortunately, they also have the potential to create significant problems. No one (or almost no one) is born emotionally detached. To feel is part of the natural human condition. There are, however, circumstances and events that can occur during childhood that interfere with healthy emotional development. There are also events that occur later in life that are so distressing that they completely disrupt pre-existing emotional processes, even for those with very healthy emotional functioning.
Whenever I encounter a patient who has disconnected himself from his feelings I make adequate emotional functioning a primary goal of our work together. I only occasionally get any resistance. Most people realize that something is missing from their lives and are eager to do what they must to rememdy the situation. "You have emotions," I always assure them. "You just don't notice them anymore."
I sincerely believe this. I do not think it is possible for a human being to be completely devoid of emotional experience. I do, however, believe that a person can be so detached from his emitions (for whatever eason) as to be completely unaware they exist. If he wants to reconnect with his feelings, I explain, the first thing he must do is tune in. But how does he do this? What steps does he take?
In my experience, the best strategies come from something call emotion-focused therapy. (It's also known as process-experiential therapy). Emotion focused therapy identifies what it calls "adaptive strategies for accessing emotion." These strategies represent healthy ways to experience and respond to emotion:
1. Pay attention to emotion-related body sensations. I often ask patients to set aside anywhere from one to five minutes twice a day to mentally scan their body from head to toe. I give them a little chart and ask them to write down any physical sensations they notice in any part of their body, no matter how small. I also given them a list of sensations that are commonly associated with specific emotions (for example, tightening of the chest for anxiety or a knot in the pit of the stomach for depression). The goal is just to get them to start paying attention. Emotions happen in our bodies. We call them feelings because we physuically feel them. All we have to do is pay attention.
2. Recall past emotion episodes. There are a lot of different ways to do this. I might ask someone to tell me about a memory of a time they felt happy or excited. I might ask them to write a story describing a time they felt sad. In any event, I try to get them to recall exactly what they felt in that moment, essentially re-creating the past emotional experience.
3. Expose yourself to vivid emotional cues. This could mean watching old movies of a loved one who is now deceased. It could be describing something in such detail that a person can practically see it in his mind.
4. Enact emotions by expressing them physically: Most emotions are accompanied by the urge to act. Fear produces the urge to remove ourselves from danger. Anger creates the urge to forcefully remove the object of our anger. Anxiety is an action inhibitor and so generates the urge not to act. Desire creates the urge to approach, possess, or consume the object of our desire. Emotions also tend to be associated with certain facial expressions. For people who are accustomed to suppressing their emotions, enacting them physically through symbolic action or exaggerated facial expressions can help them become more comfortable with them.
A healthy emotional life is essential to overall well being. Apart from enrigching our lives, emotions are important sources of information. Emotions enable us to respond quickly to situations we don't yet understand. They help us to evaluate new situations and unfamiliar environments. They allow us to quickly identify what is important in a given situation and what is not; they direct our attention towards certain stimuli and away from others. In short, emotions help us function.
Unfortunately, they also have the potential to create significant problems. No one (or almost no one) is born emotionally detached. To feel is part of the natural human condition. There are, however, circumstances and events that can occur during childhood that interfere with healthy emotional development. There are also events that occur later in life that are so distressing that they completely disrupt pre-existing emotional processes, even for those with very healthy emotional functioning.
Whenever I encounter a patient who has disconnected himself from his feelings I make adequate emotional functioning a primary goal of our work together. I only occasionally get any resistance. Most people realize that something is missing from their lives and are eager to do what they must to rememdy the situation. "You have emotions," I always assure them. "You just don't notice them anymore."
I sincerely believe this. I do not think it is possible for a human being to be completely devoid of emotional experience. I do, however, believe that a person can be so detached from his emitions (for whatever eason) as to be completely unaware they exist. If he wants to reconnect with his feelings, I explain, the first thing he must do is tune in. But how does he do this? What steps does he take?
In my experience, the best strategies come from something call emotion-focused therapy. (It's also known as process-experiential therapy). Emotion focused therapy identifies what it calls "adaptive strategies for accessing emotion." These strategies represent healthy ways to experience and respond to emotion:
1. Pay attention to emotion-related body sensations. I often ask patients to set aside anywhere from one to five minutes twice a day to mentally scan their body from head to toe. I give them a little chart and ask them to write down any physical sensations they notice in any part of their body, no matter how small. I also given them a list of sensations that are commonly associated with specific emotions (for example, tightening of the chest for anxiety or a knot in the pit of the stomach for depression). The goal is just to get them to start paying attention. Emotions happen in our bodies. We call them feelings because we physuically feel them. All we have to do is pay attention.
2. Recall past emotion episodes. There are a lot of different ways to do this. I might ask someone to tell me about a memory of a time they felt happy or excited. I might ask them to write a story describing a time they felt sad. In any event, I try to get them to recall exactly what they felt in that moment, essentially re-creating the past emotional experience.
3. Expose yourself to vivid emotional cues. This could mean watching old movies of a loved one who is now deceased. It could be describing something in such detail that a person can practically see it in his mind.
4. Enact emotions by expressing them physically: Most emotions are accompanied by the urge to act. Fear produces the urge to remove ourselves from danger. Anger creates the urge to forcefully remove the object of our anger. Anxiety is an action inhibitor and so generates the urge not to act. Desire creates the urge to approach, possess, or consume the object of our desire. Emotions also tend to be associated with certain facial expressions. For people who are accustomed to suppressing their emotions, enacting them physically through symbolic action or exaggerated facial expressions can help them become more comfortable with them.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Motivation and Emotion
"I'm not sure if I really need this treatment," a patient recently told me. "I'm feeling a lot better than I was," he explained. I looked at the symptom checklist he'd filled out before our session. "According to this, you're still feeling anxious and on guard, you're still getting angry a lot, you're still not comfortable going anywhere that's crowded, and you're still having trouble sleeping," I pointed out. My patient laughed. "You have a good point," he said.
The following week I checked in with him. "You were having some doubts about whether you needed the treatment," I recalled. "How are you feeling about that now?" The patient again expressed doubt, stating that he really is feeling a lot better. "I'm to the point where I can contain the anxiety," he explained.
This happens a lot: a person starts to feel a little better and decides he doesn't need treatment anymore. Granted, feeling better can be an indication that a patient's issues are resolved and that treatment can be terminated. More often than not, however, feeling better simply removes the motivation to continue treatment; as a result, problems are left unresolved only to resurface again at some point in the future.
So what does motivate a person to invest in treatment? Most people are motivated by emotional pain (sadness, grief, anger, anxiety, etc.). More accurately, people tend to be motivated by their desire to be rid of emotional pain. As long as the pain is there, they are willing to do the work of therapy. Once the pain abates a little bit, the focus of therapy often shifts from acute symptoms to trying to get to the root of the problem. This can mean working to change deeply ingrained mental and behavioral habits. It is often a lot of work and without the pain, many people lack the motivation.
Ironically, a patient's emotional pain can be helpful to the therapist as well. A person in pain is more likely to reveal his thoughts; these provide powerful clues as to what factors might be driving the patient's symptoms. I find that, in therapy, people tend to be very short-sighted. They tend to focus on their present experiences and their experiences from the recent past. It is not unusual for a patient to come to my office and say, "I've been feeling good for the past few weeks. I don't really have anything to talk about." It then falls upon me to try to help the patient recall the times in his life when he was not feeling good, to identify what these times have in common, and to explore what ultimately helped him to recover so that he can use these strategies again in the future. Typically, however, when a person feels good he does not want to think about feeling bad. He doesn't want to remember; he wants to forget.
I an not trying to glorify emotional pain. I am simply making the point that even negative emotions can be useful. How many people would work to change and improve themselves in the absence of emotional pain? Sure, there would be some; most, though, would have no motivation to do so.
The following week I checked in with him. "You were having some doubts about whether you needed the treatment," I recalled. "How are you feeling about that now?" The patient again expressed doubt, stating that he really is feeling a lot better. "I'm to the point where I can contain the anxiety," he explained.
This happens a lot: a person starts to feel a little better and decides he doesn't need treatment anymore. Granted, feeling better can be an indication that a patient's issues are resolved and that treatment can be terminated. More often than not, however, feeling better simply removes the motivation to continue treatment; as a result, problems are left unresolved only to resurface again at some point in the future.
So what does motivate a person to invest in treatment? Most people are motivated by emotional pain (sadness, grief, anger, anxiety, etc.). More accurately, people tend to be motivated by their desire to be rid of emotional pain. As long as the pain is there, they are willing to do the work of therapy. Once the pain abates a little bit, the focus of therapy often shifts from acute symptoms to trying to get to the root of the problem. This can mean working to change deeply ingrained mental and behavioral habits. It is often a lot of work and without the pain, many people lack the motivation.
Ironically, a patient's emotional pain can be helpful to the therapist as well. A person in pain is more likely to reveal his thoughts; these provide powerful clues as to what factors might be driving the patient's symptoms. I find that, in therapy, people tend to be very short-sighted. They tend to focus on their present experiences and their experiences from the recent past. It is not unusual for a patient to come to my office and say, "I've been feeling good for the past few weeks. I don't really have anything to talk about." It then falls upon me to try to help the patient recall the times in his life when he was not feeling good, to identify what these times have in common, and to explore what ultimately helped him to recover so that he can use these strategies again in the future. Typically, however, when a person feels good he does not want to think about feeling bad. He doesn't want to remember; he wants to forget.
I an not trying to glorify emotional pain. I am simply making the point that even negative emotions can be useful. How many people would work to change and improve themselves in the absence of emotional pain? Sure, there would be some; most, though, would have no motivation to do so.
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