Thursday, November 19, 2009


Sometimes I feel and connect deeply with the belief that I can be happy no matter what is going on in my life externally.  During these times I am at peace.  I find joy in little things.  I am hopeful about the future.  I do not get upset when something stressful or unexpected takes place.  I accept reality as it is and I am confident in my ability to handle what happens.  These are good times, especially because I have suffered from periods of depression since adolescence and for years I longed to feel at peace with myself and the world.

Unfortunately, mood disorders appear on every branch of my family tree.  Even for those who were never formally diagnosed with a mood disorder there are antecdotal stories about each person's life that suggest some sort of disturbance of mood.  I have come to accept that I inherited a genetic predisposition to depression.  I have also accepted that there will most likely be times throughout my life when depression threatens to rear its ugly head.

So sometimes I feel and connect deeply with the belief that I can be happy no matter what happens in my life.  These are good times.  There are also times when I neither feel nor connect with this belief.  These times are difficult.  Sometimes I feel distressed.  Sometimes I feel empty.  Often I don't feel like doing anything at all.  These are times when faith becomes important.

Faith means believing in something when you have no proof of its existence.  For me, it means believing that I can be happy no matter what even when I don't feel that way.  It means knowing that my life has a purpose even when I can't remember what it is.  It means trusting that bad feelings pass and that things always get better. 

Faith is how I deal with sadness.  It's how I get through bad days.  I shared this because I think sometimes we all need a reminder that hard times, like everything else in life, don't last forever.


  1. "...mood disorders appear on every branch of my family tree."

    I believe this is true for many of us here in this world. Sad, but true. I suffer a form of this called General Anxiety Disorder or GADS, and this is a real pain in the butt. I take medication for this. It seems to run in my family as well.

    I guess it is true, you know what you say about "faith." For me, or my faith is in music, music has never let me down and like a true friend, been there through the thick and thin of things. Music, least for me, brings me out of "Canaan" and into the promise land if you would.

    Well another wonderful post and I enjoyed coming here.

  2. Hi Melody,

    I've struggled with depression off and on for most of my life. Not really ever serious enough to need extensive therapy, medication, or whatnot, but definitely enough to make it hard sometimes.

    I do wonder sometimes if part of the issue is all the attention and labeling we do with these kinds of issues. We want to "know" what it is and how to "fix" it. In the process, end up fixing a story in place that fuels the whole thing to continue to spiral.

    I actually find that when I'm not searching for an answer to why I feel as I do, I'm able to stay with it better (like the meditation last night I wrote about) and not be so tossed about by it.

    What have you experienced for yourself, as well as while doing therapy? Does having a diagnosis, or finding an answer about the origin of some feeling actually help, or do people just expect it to help and maybe feel a little better having "an answer"?

  3. hmm. so depression can be hereditary? i think i go through depression too sometimes. but i try to uplift myself by being with my family and friends. and think about the better and finer things in life than dwell on the things that can make me sad...

  4. I'm amazed at how open and honest the comments are to this post. Some real courageous folks out there. Kudos to them!

  5. I'm not going to appear arrogant to tell you I know how depression works, although I can tell you I had a mild battle w/ the little sucker a couple yrs. back. It's easy to get lost in it's web, isn't it?

    It felt as if it was my master, and I had zero control over my own day.

    I will say that I broke through this mini-monster by realigning my thought to only the things I truly wanted to achieve. Yep... it took me quite awhile to even know what those things were, but I didn't give in to the illusion that I had no power over those future decisions. I DID... and I WOULD allow myself to see the successful future that I deserved, and was going to eventually achieve.

    I had to first focus ONLY on those goals... nothing else. The negatives weren't allowed to have any of my attention, no matter what Mr. Depression said. After some time, I trained myself to look forward forward forward.

    Andre Agassi recently came out w/ a book, admitting a ton of negatives about his past... including drug abuse. I posted something small about it at Coach Your Mind. Hope you take a look.

    Remember, Melody... FORWARD! FORWARD! FORWARD!


  6. HI Melody,



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