Friday, October 2, 2009

Ego and Attachment

I think a lot about attachment and just wanted to share my thoughts. 

Attachment is always generated by need for one of the five A's (acceptance, appreciation, affection, attention, or allowing). 

When we are attached to something we believe that we need it in order to be happy.  We think our happiness depends on it so we fear losing it (because we think we will no longer be happy if we lose it).

The ego looks for things to identify with (i.e., to become attached to).  Desire for physical comfort, emotional comfort, financial security, etc. can never be fulfilled.  Once you have the object of your deisre you will crave more and more of it.  Once you obtain it you often have trouble enjoying it because you begin to worry about losing it.  In this way, desire produces attachment.

What we don't realize is that we don't need anyone or anything in order to be happy.  All you need to be happy is within you.  It is futile to seek happiness from external sources -- external happiness is temporary.

To overcome attachement focus on giving to others what it is you desire.  If you desire affection be affectionate towards others.  If you desire attention give others your undivided attention.  If you desire acceptance give to others your unconditional, nonjudgmental acceptance.  If you want appreciation then show your appreciation to others.  If you want allowing then allow others to pursue their dreams without passing judgment on them. 


  1. Happiness. Everybody wants it, but do we really know what happiness is? I think very often we're chasing just an elusive idea. More and more I'm liking the term, well-being, in it's place. For me, well-being relates to happiness, but feels more grounded, more balanced, more whole. Happiness is what consumer culture tries to sell. Happiness and unhappiness depend on each other for definition. A sense of well-being is what develops when we let go of attachment to happiness and embrace our whole life-- the good, the bad and the ugly!

  2. I totally agree with Kris. Well-being is more holistic, and less a "product" than happiness. Partly, this is just a language thing - I'm more and more seeing how language can both help us and hinder us. But also, I think the kinds of ideas we place under the umbrella of happiness are either unrealistic or actually not capable of producing long term well-being and joy. So, even if we look within for our happiness, it might turn out that what we find doesn't feel like happiness to us because of all the baggage tied to the word itself.

  3. hello, I believe that all this come after years of life experiences,
    with the growth and knowledge of life and people, with what life has put before you.
    Climbs and descents to overcome certainly not relaxing and trouble free life and
    is certainly not for people soft.

  4. A Blog and links very interesante.Un Greetings from Creativity and imagination photos of Jose Ramon

  5. I LOVE YOUR BLOG!!! Seriously...

    I agree 100% with everything you say... always. If we knew each other, we'd be incredible friends!

    Thank you so much for spreading your messages. I'm hooked!

    And also, thank you for your wonderful comments.



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