Attention

I recently read a book entitled "Rapt: Attention and the Focused Life" by Winifred Gallagher.  The major premise of the book is that how you experience life depends upon what you pay attention to.  Whether you focus on the negative aspects or the positive aspects of a situation influences how you perceive that situation.  Your mood at any given moment is significantly influenced by the type of thoughts on which you choose to focus your attention.  Whether a bad mood is fleeting or sticks around all day depends upon whether you choose to focus your attention on those feelings or to direct your attention elsewhere.

In addition, the type of life you lead depends upon the types of activities to which you choose to devote your attention.  The types of activities we find fulfilling are those that hold our attention, where we can lose ourselves in the activity and look up to find that hours have passed in what seemed like only minutes.

These are not necessarily new ideas but reading the book inspired me.  Lately I've noticed that I lack vitality.  I don't ever get excited about anything and the passion that once fueled me to action burned out long ago.  I'm not unhappy by any means but I definitely feel like something's missing.  As I read this book it dawned on me that I don't engage in any activities that interest me enough to give them my sustained and undivided attention.  I need to find things that challenge me in that way.  I used to have those things in my life.  For example, I used to journal and to write poetry.  I also went through a phase where I drew and painted.  My walls are proudly adorned with my mediocre artwork.  I once kept a visual journal and each day I looked forward to coming home to create something new to add to it.  For awhile I made music videos using The Sims 2 -- until my computer crashed and I lost all of my hard work.  In my younger days I used to go out to night clubs every weekend to dance.  How I anticipated those outings!  Each weekend held exciting possibilities.

I don't do any of these things anymore, for various reasons or for no reason at all.  The fact is that I need something in my life that captures my attention.  As of right now I don't know what that thing will be but I will keep looking for it.




 

Postponing Happiness

We are all guilty of putting some thing or another off.  We say we'll get to it tomorrow or over the weekend.  Sometimes we do.  Sometimes we don't.  How many of us, though, put off being happy?  Initially you might think this is a ridiculous assertion -- who doesn't want to be happy?  The sooner the better, you might think.  But there are those of us who view happiness as a goal to be achieved -- "I will take this journey, obtain certain things, and when I'm done I will be happy."  Why put it off though?  Happiness isn't a destination.  We don't reach a point in life where things are how we want them to be and then stay there, happily.  Life is constantly changing.  Your happiness doesn't have to.  Happiness is something you do right now, in the present.  Happiness is an attitude, a choice you make in each moment you live.  You can be happy while you work to attain your goals.  You can be happy when you experience a setback.  You can be happy when life is exactly as you want it to be and when it is not.  You don't have to put it off -- you can be happy now.

Inside Out or Outside In?

One thing I've noticed in working with my patients is that they often expect the changes in their lives to begin on the inside.  "Once I'm feeling more confident I'll go on that job interview or try to meet new people."  "Once I stop feeling so anxious in social situations I'll start socializing more."  "When I stop feeling depressed I'll start doing more around the house."  The assumption seems to be that they will begin to feel better and that feeling better will enable them to do the things in life that they would like to do.  Most of us operate under this assumption, at least at times.  How often do we put off doing something until we feel like doing it?  We assume our feelings will drive our behavior.

I'm sure there are instances in which internal change precedes external change.  I believe, however, that doing things in this order is infinitely more difficult and time consuming than it needs to be.  If we insist upon doing things this way we run the risk of never changing at all.  What if we never reach a point where we "feel like" changing our behaviors?  Do we just continue to wait, hoping our emotions will eventually "come around?"

I am a firm believer in going forward with behavioral change in spite of how we feel about it.  Emotions are a valuable source of information but they can hold us back from doing things that are important to us if we allow them to.  "Fake it 'til you make it" and "Feel the fear and do it anyway" are phrases that embody this idea.  If you want to be confident then act confident: walk with your back straight, head up, and shoulders back.  Make eye contact when you talk to people.  Refrain from fidgeting.  Voice your opinion.  Even if you're shaking with fear on the inside you can still behave in a manner that exemplifies confidence.  If you keep practicing, over time an amazing thing will happen: You will begin to feel more confident.  People will respond to the confidence you project and this in turn will reinforce your behavior.  One day, you'll wake up and realize that you're no longer pretending - the confidence you exude is the real thing.

Reflections on a book

I recently read a book called "Happiness is a Serious Problem" by Dennis Prager.  There were a lot of good points in the book but I thought I'd share a few of the ones that stood out most to me.

1. Unhappiness is easy.  It takes work to be happy.

2. Ask, "Will this make me happier?" before engaging in a particular action.  (This may require foregoing immediate pleasure).

3. Try to be happy unless something happens to make you unhappy instead of being unhappy unless something happens to make you happy.

4.  Human beings are never completely satisfied with anything - we always want more.

5. Dissatisfaction does not have to make you unhappy.

6. Being happy does not mean avoiding pain.

7. Expectations lead to unhappiness.

8. Gratitude is the key to happiness.

9. Meaning and purpose are necessary for happiness.

Stuck...

I don't have much to say -- which is the problem, actually.  I go through these periods of creativity where ideas just come to me and these blog posts practically write themselves.  Then there are times when my mind seems to just take a vacation.  Try as I might, ideas simply don't manifest themselves.  I look for inspiration -- I read about subjects that interest me, I pay attention to current events, I draw upon others' experiences -- but during these slumps even when I become inspired I can't seem to put two thoughts together or to generate a coherent sentence.  There are a lot of things I've been thinking about, it's just that my ideas seem incomplete and I find it impossible to draw any conclusions from them.  So instead of writing about anything meaningful I decided I would write about the fact that I have nothing meaningful about which to write.  I imagine this is just temporary -- I've been feeling a bit stressed lately and that makes it hard for me to think clearly.  Even at work I have difficulty thinking clearly -- I certainly don't do my best work when I'm stressed.  Anyway, I will definitely have more to say later, hopefully some time in the near future...

What is Truth

I've long believed that reality is relative.  Simply put, when I say reality is relative I mean that no two people experience the same version of reality.  For each person, his or her reality is a combination of sensory input, context, past experiences, interpretation, and probably countless other factors.  These all contribute to a person's perception, which is his or her experience of reality. 

What are the implications of having as many different versions of reality as there are people to experience them?  I'm sure there are many but one in particular is this: If reality is relative there really is no Truth (with a capital "T").  Now I know there are many who would disagree, particularly in America where truth is that which can be demonstrated via the scientific method.  Yet there are those who do not accept science as the keeper of truth.  There are those who flatly reject even those facts which have been rigorously tested and repeatedly verified by scientific research.

Aristotle proposed a theory of truth centuries ago called the Correspondence Theory of Truth.  The theory states that something is true if it accurately describes the world.  According to this theory there is a truth-bearer - the person making the original claim - and a truth-maker - the entity that verifies the correspondence between the truth-bearer's statement and real-world conditions.  Before the truth-maker can verify the accuracy of the truth-bearer's statement, however, one must first establish the precise meaning of the statement in question.  For example, "grass is green" is true if what is meant is that grass appears green to the average viewer under normal conditions.  However, "grass is green" is false if what is meant is that "green" is an inherent property of grass (because the green appearance of grass is created by light conditions, neural receptors in the eyes of the viewer, etc.).  Truth can only be determined after meaning has been established.

And perhaps that's a big part of what truth is - shared meaning.  After all, members of a given culture or religious group often share beliefs about what is true.  The more people who believe something is true the "truer" it seems to become.  Think about the Salem witch trials.  A large group of people became convinced that there were witches among them.  Whether there really were witches among them (truth) was irrelevant.  Enough people believed it and these so called witches were burned at the stake.

To a certain degree I think truth exists in the eye of the beholder.  What is true for one person may not be true for another.  That's not to say that there are no facts -- I just think it might be more difficult to distinguish between fact and fiction than is commonly assumed.

Goals

It's important for people to have goals.  Goals motivate us to work hard.  The possibility of achieving a desired goal makes the future a promising place.  Goals provide direction and guide action.  They help to establish a sense of purpose and thus make life more meaningful.

It is useful to define goals clearly so that we understand what we're working towards and we know when we've achieved it.  It is possible, however, to be too specific.  It's important to leave room for flexibility.  If a person has a highly specific goal then there is only one acceptable outcome.  Success is narrowly defined.  This can cause people to pass up on other opportunities for growth that might also lead to a sense of achievement and personal fulfillment.

It is also important not to focus too intently on a given goal.  If all of our efforts are focused on achieving one specific outcome we are likely to miss potential opportunities that present themselves.  While it is important to focus on our goals in life it is equally important to be present and to participate fully in the world around us.  If we achieve a desired goal only to realize that we've missed out on life then what have we really gained?

Risk

There are many different types and levels of risk.  Some of us are very comfortable taking risks and may even find it exciting or motivating.  Most of us, however, are a little less comfortable with risk.  The higher the level of risk the less comfortable most of us become.

It's virtually impossible to go through life avoiding risk altogether; it would also probably make for a pretty boring existence.  I wonder though, what most of us would do if given a choice between a somewhat risky option or an option with no risk involved.  Many of us would choose the no-risk selection in order to avoid the discomfort, anxiety, and uncertainty associated with risk.  Risk is uncomfortable.  Most of us tend to avoid feeling uncomfortable whenever possible.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be comfortable.  The problem occurs when we are so "addicted" to comfort that we refuse to follow any path or pursue any change that would take us out of our comfort zone. When we make choices in life based solely upon what's comfortable for us we miss out on opportunities for growth and are prevented from reaching our full potential.

The majority of us would agree that life is most meaningful when we are growing as individuals.  If we cling to comfort at all costs we become stagnant.  It's important to realize that while risk creates discomfort it's also essential for growth.  No one enjoys feeling uncomfortable but we can tolerate it.  If we can challenge ourselves to take risks in spite of the unpleasant emotions evoked we will find that the potential gains are well worth it.  Even when we take a risk that doesn't pan out well we may learn from these situations and apply the information to our future endeavors.

Finances and Getting Ahead

My boyfriend and I were recently having a discussion and it became apparent that our philosophies on the subject were fundamentally different.  I started a second job a few weeks ago and was complaining to him that I really don't like it and want to quit.  He stated that the second job is a way for me to "get ahead" and to "better myself."  He explained that I shouldn't be satisfied making the amount of money I'm making at my current job - it's really just enough to make ends meet with a little left over - and there's no significant raise or promotion in my near future.  He said that it's important in life to constantly be working to better yourself.  He proposed that for me, bettering myself includes becoming more financially stable.  That means I need to make more money.  Hence, the second job.

Now I'm all for bettering oneself but I also strongly believe that we should learn to be happy as we are and with what we have.  I went to college to do what I do for a living.  I knew I was never going to be rich when I chose to go into this profession.  I don't feel like I should have to work a second job that I don't like in the name of "bettering myself."  Why can't it be enough to make what I make, save what I can save, and enjoy whatever I can afford to enjoy?

This is one area where my boyfriend and I have agreed to disagree.  As for the second job -- I haven't decided whether or not I'm going to quit.  I'll keep you posted.

Change

Change is an inevitable part of life.  Nothing in life is permanent.  Everything changes.  For most of us -- regardless of whether the change is good or bad -- change causes stress.  Why is this?  Why should we feel stressed about something that happens constantly and repeatedly over the course of our lives?  I've been giving this a lot of thought recently and have come up with a few ideas.

I believe that resistance to change creates stress (suffering).  Even if you're not actively doing anything to prevent the change from taking place you might be resisting it internally.  In your mind you might be wishing that things would stay the same or you might be having difficulty accepting that things are now different.  This internal resistance puts you at odds with what's happening in the outside world.  This conflict between internal and external creates tension.

Change is often accompanied by uncertainty, particularly during periods of transition.  The outcome of a given change might not be known.  While the change is being implemented and before any results have been produced there is a period of uncertainty.  Many people have trouble tolerating uncertainty.  We often fear the unknown.  When we are faced with uncertainty but are unable to tolerate it we become anxious.

Another reason change can be stressful is because often it requires us to do something to adapt.  That is to say that one change might require us to make additional changes in our behaviors in order to re-establish equilibrium.  The changes we need to make in order to adapt might not be readily apparent.  We might need to brainstorm or problem solve in order to identify how to adjust our actions so that they make sense given the change in circumstances.

Change is stressful for all these reasons and probably others.  The challenge for me -- and for all of us -- is to learn to approach change with equanimity.