Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Self-Criticism versus Self-Compassion

A lot of us are our own worst critics.  We're hard on ourselves.  We do it because it motivates us to achieve.  To go easy on ourselves is to become lazy and complacent.  Self-criticism is motivating because we are driven by our desire to avoid it.  We don't want to make a mistake and we don't want to fail because we dread having to face our own negative judgment.  We use self-criticism to shame ouselves into action.  Every endeavor comes with high stakes; anything less than total success leads to a barrage of self-condemntation.

The weapons of self-criticism are fear and shame.  Fear and shame tell us that we are inadequate and unable to cope with the environment.  Thus, what was intended to motivate action ultimately makes us too afraid to try. 

There is an alternative to self-criticism; it is called self-compassion.  Self-compassion is a way of relating to oneself.  Kindness and concern replace harsh words and ultimatums; comfort replaces condemnation.  Every human life has value; every human being deserves to be treated with respect and dignity.  We are no exception.  We are human; therefore, we have value and deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.  This principle applies not only to how we should be treated by others but also to how we treat ourselves. 

Kristin Neff captures the essence of compassion: "Compassion...entails feelings of kindness, care, and understanding for people who are in pain, so that the desire to ameliorate suffering naturally emerges...it involves recognizing the shared human condition, fragile and imperfect as it is."  Self-compassion, then, means offering kindness, care, and understanding to oneself when in pain. 

For some of us, this is  a surprisingly difficult thing to do.  A good way to start is by removing yourself from the equation.  Instead, imagine a friend faced with similar circumstances.  Would you tell him (or her) to stop whining and get over it?  Of course not!  Think about what you would say - perhaps words of comfort or support.  Once you've come up with something write it down.  Then, read what you've written to yourself out loud.  Do it a few times.  Set it down and come back later.  Read it again. 

Like anything, self-compassion takes practice.  Try to catch yourself being self-critical.  Say to yourself, "Oh yeah, I'm not doing that anymore.  I'm learning to be nice to myself."  Then give yourself some compassion instead. 

9 comments:

  1. It might help instead to be aware when one is in the "comparing mind," which usually comes in advance of self-criticism. It is hard to be self critical without comparing to others. And if hard to have self-compassion then try to have gratitude, which leads you back to it once you realize your importance to others that you are grateful for. Just ideas.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi there! I'm Heather and I was hoping you would be willing to answer my question I have about your blog! Please email me at Lifesabanquet1(at)gmail(dot)com :-)

    ReplyDelete
  3. How blessed I feel now after suffering from the hands of my husband and his family. I was diagnosed with breast cancer for good 2 months and my husband and I have been married for 15 years . My husband lost the love and affection he had for me and decided to get another woman in his life. I was so devastated and restless for I was loosing my husband to another woman. I tried what I knew best to convince him not to take another woman that I will be fine but his family was so much persuading him to get a new wife. I nearly committed suicide for I felt so useless to everyone around me. At my place of work, my co-worker linked me up to a Doctor called CASERA that he can help me get my husband back and get me cured from the breast cancer for his works is effective and permanent. I contacted him via Email: [ relationshipsolutionhome@hotmail.com ] and confided in him and he told me that my case is different that as far I have made in contact with him, that my life will be a new dawn filled with smiles, joy and happiness. My husband came back pleading with me that he was so sorry for it was never his intention to leave me for another woman but that of his family for he was the only son of the family. I accepted him back and I told him that I no longer have breast cancer that i have been cured from it and today, we are so happy and I will never forget Doctor CASERA for helping me. All this took place just within 48 hours after I contacted him and the result showed up as he said it. This is his contact for anyone out there that needs his help also. E-mail: [ relationshipsolutionhome@hotmail.com ] OR Call/text: +1 (518) 460-6400. He can also cure diseases like HIV, AIDS, Herpes Virus, Cancer, E.T.C.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hello everyone reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. One day when I was reading through the web, I saw a post on how this spell caster Dr irosi have help a woman to get back her husband and I gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 3 days that I will have my husband back. I believed him and today I am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back because I am now happy with my husband. Thanks for His great work here is his email: drirosisolutioncenter@gmail.com Or call his number  +2348118829771, Contact Dr irosi and get your relationship problem solved. Great Dr irosi could also help you with the following:
    1) Love Spells
    2) Lost Love Spells
    3) Divorce Spells
    4) Marriage Spells
    5) Binding Spell.
    6) Breakup Spells
    7) Banish a past Lover
    8.) You want to be promoted in your office/ Lottery spell
    9) want to satisfy your lover
    Contact this great man if you are having any problem for a lasting solution
    EMAIL..... drirosisolutioncenter@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am here to give my testimony about Dr Anuge who helped me.. i want to inform the public how i was cured from (HERPES SIMPLEX VIRUS) by Dr Anuge, i visited different hospital but they gave me list of drugs like Famvir, Zovirax, and Valtrex which is very expensive to treat the symptoms and never cured me. I was browsing through the Internet searching for remedy on HERPES and i saw comment of people talking about how Dr anuge cured them. when i contacted him he gave me hope and send a Herbal medicine to me that i took for just 2 weeks and it seriously worked for me, my HERPES result came out negative. I am so happy as i am sharing this testimony. My advice to you all who thinks that there is no cure for herpes that is Not true just contact him and get cure from Dr Anuge healing herbal cure of all kinds of sickness you may have like
    (1) CANCER,
    (2) DIABETES,
    (3) HIV&AIDS,
    (4) URINARY TRACT INFECTION,
    (5) CANCER,
    (6) IMPOTENCE,
    (7) BARENESS/INFERTILITY
    (8) DIARRHEA
    (9) ASTHMA
    (10)SIMPLEX HERPES AND GENITAL
    (11)COLD SORE
    and mare that are not mentioned here
    . he also cure my friend from cervical cancer. so contact him thruogh his Email address : dranuge@gmail.com or whatsapp him on +234816466838 here is also his IG link @Dr_Anuge7 for more information ........  

    ReplyDelete
  6. I am here to give my testimony about Dr Anuge who helped me.. i want to inform the public how i was cured from (HERPES SIMPLEX VIRUS) by Dr Anuge, i visited different hospital but they gave me list of drugs like Famvir, Zovirax, and Valtrex which is very expensive to treat the symptoms and never cured me. I was browsing through the Internet searching for remedy on HERPES and i saw comment of people talking about how Dr anuge cured them. when i contacted him he gave me hope and send a Herbal medicine to me that i took for just 2 weeks and it seriously worked for me, my HERPES result came out negative. I am so happy as i am sharing this testimony. My advice to you all who thinks that there is no cure for herpes that is Not true just contact him and get cure from Dr Anuge healing herbal cure of all kinds of sickness you may have like
    (1) CANCER,
    (2) DIABETES,
    (3) HIV&AIDS,
    (4) URINARY TRACT INFECTION,
    (5) CANCER,
    (6) IMPOTENCE,
    (7) BARENESS/INFERTILITY
    (8) DIARRHEA
    (9) ASTHMA
    (10)SIMPLEX HERPES AND GENITAL
    (11)COLD SORE
    and mare that are not mentioned here
    . he also cure my friend from cervical cancer. so contact him thruogh his Email address : dranuge@gmail.com or whatsapp him on +234816466838 here is also his IG link @Dr_Anuge7 for more information ........  

    ReplyDelete
  7. I am so happy writing this testimony today. I will write this testimony in other places to help others find this spell caster and get help. My name is Mrs Williams Anthony Bright. I am from USA. There is only one spell caster i have contacted that have helped me of the spell casters i met online. I did not spend a week talking with this man when i started to see changes in my life and my husband's life. His name is DR OBED I have been married for 7 years and i couldn't bear a child. My husband was going out with another woman and still drinking, smoking AND OTHERS BAD things he never use too do before. It was hard for me to bear and i have been searching for help. I contacted this spell doctor and my husband soon started coming home always after work within 4 days at first, soon the other woman left him alone and soon i became pregnant. It is a bundle of Joy in me that i finally found help with a short period of contact to last me my entire life. How else will i share this testimony of my life. Please help me share. Contact him too, Yes, FOR ANY CANE OF PROBLEMS, ANY TYPE HE WILL HELP YOU FINE THE SOLUTION........ Follow his email address (drobedspelltemple@hotmail.com) or call and WhatsApp him With this number (+2348166536155).... God bless you.....

    ReplyDelete
  8. I am so happy writing this testimony today. I will write this testimony in other places to help others find this spell caster and get help. My name is Mrs Williams Anthony Bright. I am from USA. There is only one spell caster i have contacted that have helped me of the spell casters i met online. I did not spend a week talking with this man when i started to see changes in my life and my husband's life. His name is DR OBED I have been married for 7 years and i couldn't bear a child. My husband was going out with another woman and still drinking, smoking AND OTHERS BAD things he never use too do before. It was hard for me to bear and i have been searching for help. I contacted this spell doctor and my husband soon started coming home always after work within 4 days at first, soon the other woman left him alone and soon i became pregnant. It is a bundle of Joy in me that i finally found help with a short period of contact to last me my entire life. How else will i share this testimony of my life. Please help me share. Contact him too, Yes, FOR ANY CANE OF PROBLEMS, ANY TYPE HE WILL HELP YOU FINE THE SOLUTION........ Follow his email address (drobedspelltemple@hotmail.com) or call and WhatsApp him With this number (+2348166536155).... God bless you.....

    ReplyDelete
  9. A GREAT SPELL CASTER (DR. EMU) THAT HELP ME BRING BACK MY EX GIRLFRIEND.
    Am so happy to testify about a great spell caster that helped me when all hope was lost for me to unite with my ex-girlfriend that I love so much. I had a girlfriend that love me so much but something terrible happen to our relationship one afternoon when her friend that was always trying to get to me was trying to force me to make love to her just because she was been jealous of her friend that i was dating and on the scene my girlfriend just walk in and she thought we had something special doing together, i tried to explain things to her that her friend always do this whenever she is not with me and i always refuse her but i never told her because i did not want the both of them to be enemies to each other but she never believed me. She broke up with me and I tried times without numbers to make her believe me but she never believed me until one day i heard about the DR. EMU and I emailed him and he replied to me so kindly and helped me get back my lovely relationship that was already gone for two months.
    Email him at: Emutemple@gmail.com  
    Call or Whats-app him: +2347012841542

    ReplyDelete

My Favorites