Challenging Perfectionism

For most perfectionists, there is some sort of rule or assumption underlying their need to be perfect.  Each rule or assumption has its own particular variation.  Most, however, take one of the following forms:  "I have to be perfect or ...."  "If I'm not perfect then..." "If I make a mistake it means..." "If I allow myself to accept anything less than perfection then..."  Notice that each of the previous statements suggests the presence of some sort of fear.  "If I am not perfect then..." I must be a failure.  Or people won't like me.  Or whatever.  "If I allow myself to accept anything less than perfection then..." my life will turn into a complete mess.  Everything I do will be mediocre.  I'll never be successful.  Or whatever. 

In this way, perfectionism serves to protect a person from his deepest fear.  Usually the fear is rooted in the belief that one is not good enough as he is.  If he is perfect, however, people will not see how inadequate he really is.  When he is perfect, he can forget about his own perceived inadequacies, at least for a time. 

Oh, but when he makes a mistake...When he makes a mistake, he becomes overwhelmed with the knowledge of his own deficiency.  He berates himself for erring and expects others to do the same. 

Maybe perfectionism has served him well in life.  Perhaps it has garnered him praise and recognition.  Perhaps he has achieved great things.  Would this have been possible if he hadn't demanded of himself perfection?

Perfectionists know well the consequences of their unattainable standards and relentless need for perfection in all things.  Yet because perfectionism can be advantageious at times, there is quite often ambivalence about efforts to change.  Thus, the first step in "challenging" perfectionism is to make a list of its advantages and disadvantages.  Complete a thorough cost-benefit analysis; what does perfectionism cost you and how do you benefit from it?  This enables you to fully explore your ambivalence.  In most cases, it also helps to increase motivation for change. 

So what about the benefits of perfectionism?  How do you let go of something that serves you so well in so many of your endeavors?  Ask yourself this: Is perfectionism the only way to attain these benefits?  Can you still be successful if you set more realistic standards and become less self-critical?  Will people still like and respect you if you're less than perfect?  Will you still do good work?  Will things still get done?  Or will you become just another mediocre member of society who never accomplishes anything notable?

There's only one way to find out; do it and see what happens.  Develop and carry out a few "behavioral experiments."  Start small.  Pick some small job you are tasked with completing each day.  Most likely, you expect yourself to complete even this small task with 100% accuracy.  Determine what this (100%) looks like.  Then decide what 90% looks like, 80% looks like, 70%, and so on.  Designate a specific period of time -- say, three days -- and resolve to perfrom the selected task with 80% effort and accuracy.  Pay attention to what happens as a result.  Do people berate you?  Does anyone even notice?  And how do you feel?  Do you feel more or less stressed?

Alternatively, you can try intentionally making small mistakes and observing the outcome.

What you're really doing is testing your assumptions.  Remember, perfectionism serves as a defense against underlying fears of inadequacy, rejection, etc.  The goal of your 'behavioral experiments" is to see if what you fear actually comes to pass when you intentionally perform in a less than perfect manner.  (Spoiler alert: What you fear almost never comes to pass.  Although you might want to enlist the help of a good therapist to ensure that you've selected appropriate behaviors to adjust). 

Hopefully, these strategies will get you started on the path to change.  Keep in mind that old habits die hard.  Change is never easy but it's always possible.

Is perfectionism always a bad thing?

Perfection is an ideal faultlessness, a state of being complete and correct, such that nothing is wanting.  It is the highest attainable state or degree of excellence.  Perfection is a standard to which many strive, although most fall short.  I believe this is, in part, because perfection means different things to different people.  What constitutes perfection is quite subjective and therefore depends on who you ask. 

There tends to be general agreement that while a person may achieve perfection (however it is defined) on a given occasion, no one attains perfection in all venues at all times.  Human beings are falliable creatures; we all make mistakes.  Thus, we are challenged to accept a fundamental truth about human nature: nobody's perfect.

Some people have more difficulty accepting this than others.  These are people who believe perfection can and should be always within reach; we call them perfectionists.  The negative implications of perfectionism have been studied at length and are well documented.  It has been associated with chronic feelings of failure, unwarranted guilt, lack of self-worth, pervasive self-doubt, indecisiveness, excessive self-criticism, procrastination, and low self-esteem.  Perfectionism has also been linked to the development and maintenance of several mental health disorders, to include major depression, generalized anxiety, obsessive-compulsiveness, anoerexia, and alcoholism. 

While no one disputes the negative consequences associated with perfectionism, there are some who insist it has positive implications as well.  Adherents to this school of thought distinguish between "normal," "adaptive," or "healthy" perfectionism and "pathological," "maladaptive" or "unhealthy" perfectionism.  They argue that "healthy" perfectionism is often beneficial and its development should be nurtured and encouraged. 

So is there a "healthy" perfectionism?  Or is perfectionism always pathological? The answer depends on how you define perfectionism.  Those who promote the potential benefits of "healthy" perfectionism define the concept differently than those who insist it is always pathological. 

Proponents of "healthy" perfectionism divide the phenomenon into several dimensions:

1. The consistent setting of very high standards for performance and achievement.

2. Extreme and excessive concern about making mistakes.  Mistakes are equated with failure. 

3. Chronic self-doubt, causing one to second guess oneself and one's decisions.  There are frequent doubts
    regarding the adequacy of one's work and/or performance.

4. Strong emphasis on and desire for organization in all aspects of life.

We can clearly see that not all of these dimensions have negative implications and that some of them have the potential to be quite beneficial.  In particular, having high standards for oneself and being exceptionally well organized are qualities commonly labeled as assets.  Together these characteristics (collectively referred to as "perfectionistic strivings") are associated with high levels of conscientiousness, extraversion, endurance, positive affects, life satisfaction, active coping styles, and achievement. 

In contrast, the dimensions of self doubt and conern about mistakes (collectively referred to as "perfectionistic concerns") are associated with increased incidences of obsessive compulsive disorders, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, procrastination, and an increased risk of suicide. 

When conceived of this way, it is clear that certain aspects or dimensions of perfectionism are adaptive and that others are maladaptive; it would be difficult to argue otherwise. 

Still, there are those who maintain that perfectionism in any form is never a good thing.  Adherents to this school of thought define perfectionism thus: a personality style characterized by the setting and compulsive pursuit of unrealistically high standards and/or unattainable goals coupled with the tendency to be over-critical in evaluations of one's own behaviors and efforts.  The psychopathology is inherent in the definition.  They assert that any "healthy" dimensions of perectionism cannot truly be called perfectionism, as perfectionism only refers to that which is unhealthy or maladaptive. 

Personally, I am concerned about beliefs and behaviors that interfere with personal functioning.  In my next post, I'll talk about strategies for overcoming (or at least coping more effectively with) this kind of perfectionism.