Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Tips for Dealing with Chronic Complainers

Whiners, gripers, chronic complainers - we try to avoid them lest we get stuck listening to their latest litany of problems.  Unfortunately, we don't always see them coming fast enough to get away.  Or circumstances require that we interact with them for extended periods of time.  Whatever the reason, sometimes we are forced to deal with people like this, no matter how unpleasant we may find their company.

So how do we avoid getting sucked in by their negativity?  How do we keep their antagonistic attitude from bringing us down?  Here are some suggestions:

1. Smile and nod.  This is a tip I picked up during a training I attended a few years back.  The key here is to remain silent.  When a person starts ranting about what's wrong with the world, anything you say in response just adds fuel to the fire.  If you listen quietly without feeding the flames the complainer eventually runs out of steam. 

2. Model better behavior.  In her book "Managing Difficult People," Marilyn Pincus recommends finding three positive things to say during every conversation you have with a complainer.  Not only are you setting an example, accentuating the positive can protect you from becoming infected by the complainer's negative outlook. 

3. Make a pre-emptive strike.  Start a conversation before the complainer has a chance to say anything.  Pick a topic - preferably something neutral -  and start talking.  That way, you get to decide what to talk about.  Just be sure to steer the conversation away from whatever might be bothering the complainer today.

4. Agree and move on.  Agree with the complaint.  "Yeah, that does suck."  Then change the subject.

5. Set firm limits.  Set a limit on how long you're willing to listen.  Give the complainer a few minutes to vent.  Then say something like, "I don't mean to cut you off but I've got a lot of work to do." 

6. Put the ball in their court.  In "Complaining, Teasing, and Other Annoying Behaviors," Robin Kowalski recommends holding complainers accountable for finding their own solutions.  Say something like, "Wow, that does sound tough.  What are you going to do about it?"

7. Remain emotionally detached.  When we are repeatedly exposed to another's complaints we may begin to consider the ways in which our own lives are lacking.  Or we may become frustrated when our attempts to help a chronic complainer ultimately prove futile.  Try to avoid becoming emotionally invested in the chronic complainer's problems.  Remember, they are not your problems; do not take responsibility for them.

5 comments:

  1. I am sick of this person complaining all the time. "oh woe is me" all the time. Everything is worse for him. nothing can compare. he's the only one who has it hard. I feel like telling him he's making me feel depressed and I don't want to hear him anymore!

    ReplyDelete
  2. It's a thing of joy to have someone on earth who God almighty has sent to redeem and help those that are in captivity. My husband divorced me but Doctor Osemu Okpamen recently saved my broken marriage again. You can find more on my blog-post here ( http://wagnerjessi.blogspot.com ) about how my marriage was reunited. Wagner Jessi, UK, Hampshire.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank you for your miracle Doctor Osemu Okpamen

    This article is dedicated to the Doctor Osemu Okpamen. I have been married with my wife for 5 years and recently she broke up with me and it hurt me deeply when she told me to leave her alone and that she does not love me anymore when i was always faithful and honest to her. I tried all the ways to get her back buying her what she wants like i always did and she still left me heart broken and she even has a new boyfriend which destroyed me even more until a friend of mine from high school directed me to this genuine spell Doctor called Osemu Okpamen. This man changed my life completely. I followed everything he told me to do and my wife came back begging for me back. I was stunned everything happened exactly like he told me. I had faith in everything he told me and everything was true. Also he was there every moment until i got my happiness back and he also provides spells that cures impotence, bareness, diseases such as HIV/AID E.T.C You can contact him via email at { Doctorokpamenspelltemple@yahoo.com } or visit his website http://www.doctorokpamenspells.com. He will help you in anything you need and quick to answer once you contact him.

    You can also call me for more info +1 (914)-517-3229.

    ReplyDelete
  4. How blessed I feel now after suffering from the hands of my husband and his family. I was diagnosed with breast cancer for good 2 months and my husband and I have been married for 15 years . My husband lost the love and affection he had for me and decided to get another woman in his life. I was so devastated and restless for I was loosing my husband to another woman. I tried what I knew best to convince him not to take another woman that I will be fine but his family was so much persuading him to get a new wife. I nearly committed suicide for I felt so useless to everyone around me. At my place of work, my co-worker linked me up to a Doctor called CASERA that he can help me get my husband back and get me cured from the breast cancer for his works is effective and permanent. I contacted him via Email: [ relationshipsolutionhome@hotmail.com ] and confided in him and he told me that my case is different that as far I have made in contact with him, that my life will be a new dawn filled with smiles, joy and happiness. My husband came back pleading with me that he was so sorry for it was never his intention to leave me for another woman but that of his family for he was the only son of the family. I accepted him back and I told him that I no longer have breast cancer that i have been cured from it and today, we are so happy and I will never forget Doctor CASERA for helping me. All this took place just within 48 hours after I contacted him and the result showed up as he said it. This is his contact for anyone out there that needs his help also. E-mail: [ relationshipsolutionhome@hotmail.com ] OR Call/text: +1 (518) 460-6400. He can also cure diseases like HIV, AIDS, Herpes Virus, Cancer, E.T.C.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hello i'm from London, i know a renowned spell caster who helped me when i had problems in my marriage with my Wife. If you need a right place to solve your relationship problems contact DR.OGUDUGU TEMPLE on: ( GREATOGUDUGU@GMAIL.COM ) OR WHATSAPP +2348139793075 he is the right choice, he is a great man that has ever been.

    ReplyDelete

My Favorites