Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Medication, babies, and such

I know I promised to write about somatic memory this week.  I've actually started on that post and I will make sure to put it up next week.  Currently, I'm dealing with some medication issues though and I'm a bit distracted.  So I thought I'd talk about that.  (It's funny, I feel I can share things on the internet that I wouldn't necessarilly share in "real life").

I've been taking an antidepressant since I was 18.  It's not really a big deal.  I hardly ever think about it.  I go to the doctor every few months for a refill, take a pill in the morning with my other medication, and that's it.  I had to try a few different medications initially before I found one that worked.  That period of trial and error was difficult.  It was so long ago, however, that I remember it only vaguely.  I eventually landed on something that helped and that was that.  End of story.

I've always been of the opinion that if something works you should leave it alone.   Why mess with a good thing?  Thus, I have never thought to stop taking the antidepressant.  For the most part I've felt fine and my mood has been stable (with the normal ups and downs, of course).  Why change anything?

Until now.  I'm currently "trying" to get pregnant (with my husband's cooperation of course).  My doctor told me that the antidepressant I've been taking should not be taken while pregnant or trying to get pregnant.  Not to worry though, she tells me.  I should be able to replace it with a safer medication without any problem.  I just stop taking the one and start taking the other.  No big deal.

Except it didn't work out that way.  The first couple of days were fine.  I stopped one medication and started the other.  On the morning of day three I felt nauseous.  By the time I got to work I was having tremors.  My brain felt confused and agitated.  About a year ago, I ran out of medication for a couple of days because the pharmacy had to order it.  I started having withdrawals.  It felt exactly like I was feeling now.  Ugh.

I would go back to the doctor but unfortunately, she relocated.  She gave me several refills so I thought I'd have a few months to find a new doctor.  Now I'm scrambling to find one.  And I don't feel good.

I was recently asked if my husband and I are actively trying for a baby or if we're just not not trying.  "Aren't they the same thing?" I replied, apparently revealing my ignorance.  At the time we weren't in any rush.  I've had several friends who stressed and obsessed about getting pregnant and I didn't want to do that.   I am now rethinking my position.  Maybe we need to try harder.

1 comment:

  1. I am going to put this out there with the hopes that you will just explore every avenue.
    Finding meaning out of work, trying to make a family or not, and balance out mental energies by taking anti-depressants all are forms of striving. Not necessarily a bad thing, but it points to not being happy with what is present right now... at every moment.
    I have been particularly guilty of this in my life, of course. We are all human, and born in a time and place that has much and we want more. But now with some space to reflect on a little of my history, far too much of my life was spent trying to get all the pins to line up while bowling over simple joys. Surely, a few moments of wisdom made me see the simple joys of just being, perhaps during a sunset viewing or an exhausting hike that made them pop out like fireworks on a clear night. But, looking back I have missed out on happiness that is not worked towards and exists anywhere and at any time, like during a stock market crash, a hug by an old friend, even when unkind words said by a stranger unthinkingly.
    Recently, an older man I was familiar with from temple died while I was gone, and I rested comfortably on the fact that three years earlier I had written him a nice card detailing how important he was as example of joy to me. He embodied an appreciation of life that I often missed.
    Someone in his family will find that note at a time when grief will be overwhelming and find a small pause.
    That small pause, be it happiness or just a deep breath is available to us any at any time, or any moment even when things seem totally overwhelming. It doesn't demand anything to touch it and rest in it. Even for a minute, and those moments all add up to a well-being that can't be bought.


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