tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6508287140975351636.post3381689188876682661..comments2024-02-14T03:29:39.594-05:00Comments on This Is Me: The Ego and Core Fearsspldbchhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05505641654468777964noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6508287140975351636.post-28222032995393863052013-07-07T11:43:54.912-04:002013-07-07T11:43:54.912-04:00married 17 years and currently seperated for 4 mon...married 17 years and currently seperated for 4 months. 2 children. i am a male 50 year old. domestic abuse witness and victim. father on mother. first instance was at 8 - 9 years old. my father pushed my mother down to my horror. i have witnessed black eyes and horrible screaming. have worked with therapy for 15 years or so. my esteem improved and i felt the need to continue in every effort to have my marriage succeed and be a benefit to myself and as a husband and future father.<br />although the therapy helped i live with a broken ego / spirit. i avoid and avoided the revealing of my fear. i overcompensate and are very controlling. any sense of rejection, dismissed, avoided or issues not resolved eventually resorted to my powering through as if i was coaching a playoff football game. i completley aleinated myself with the anger used.<br />i am so sorry for the pain i have caused and have heard the words of no hope from my wife. i am so sad. i realize the need to cure this ego defense. i am praying for Gods guidance and continue with counselling. I NEED TO STOP HIDING THIS BROKEN EGO. I CONTINUALLY FEEL THE NEED TO HIDE IT. I STILL OUTBURST AND FEEL THE PANGS OF ANGER IN SITUATIONS. THESE SITUATIONS ARE IMAGINED. I AM CONFIDENT OF IT YET MY EGO MAKE IT REAL. my fear. i need to discuss my fear. do you know of the most common fear of dv children. i constantly search and hope to be understood considering my love for others and willigness for self actualization. my family is everything. i have caused such hurt and pain. i will not waste time in trying to heal, uncover and fix core pain. i long to love and be at ease. Paulnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6508287140975351636.post-81838625489316629522011-05-31T09:30:43.956-04:002011-05-31T09:30:43.956-04:00All in the way we react isn't it? You have fri...All in the way we react isn't it? You have friends, you are loved despite any flaws which everyone knows anyhow...Fijufichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00626543577510367007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6508287140975351636.post-5420031998348747232011-05-30T10:48:32.717-04:002011-05-30T10:48:32.717-04:00Hi Melody, I really like your style of sharing you...Hi Melody, I really like your style of sharing your journey: the vulnerability - insights - to the new resolve. It's helpful because it's real and it shows a pathway forward. This idea of 'core fears' is new to me, but it resonates with my experience, that's for sure. One way I think I access and work with these is through mindfulness practice. Often when I sit down there is a powerful anxiety waiting for me, and when I am able to open to the anxiety there is a deep fear there, and I can be with that fear and it begins to soften.Craighttp://mindfulnessangermanagement.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6508287140975351636.post-91052123890770875802011-05-29T22:06:48.862-04:002011-05-29T22:06:48.862-04:00Hi Melody -- Very interesting post! I relate to th...Hi Melody -- Very interesting post! I relate to the part where you're writing about the very thing you're dealing with, but don't fully realize it. Isn't it ironic how the writing sometimes distances you from yourself? I struggle with this, but realize it's really a blessing. By your not realizing one thing, you're getting in touch with something else. Keep up the great work! And thanks for visiting One Man's Wonder! I hope you'll find enough of interest there to want to share it. Best wishes...Jeffrey Williushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02748080134354732541noreply@blogger.com