Everyday mindfulness

I've read several books and articles on mindfulness.  I'm not really the type of person to jump right into things when I become interested in them.  Rather, I prefer to gather as much information as possible before getting my feet wet.  Unfortunately, this does not appear to be the best approach to mindfulness.  From what I've read, mindfulness is not something that can be adequately explained with words -- it has to be experienced in order to be understood.

Two books I've read recently -- "The Joy of Living" by Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche and "Mindfulness in Plain English" by Venerable H. Gunaratana Mahathera -- suggest dramatically different approaches to mindfulness.  "The Joy of Living" endorses integrating mindfulness into your life in any way possible.  Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche says that being mindful for periods of as little as 30 seconds is a worthwhile endeavor.  He iterates that a person does not have to spend long periods of time meditating in order to make mindfulness a part of his or her life.

In "Mindfulness in Plain English" Ven. H. Gunaratana Mahathera supports a more formal approach to mindfulness.  He states that there is only one correct way to practice mindfulness meditation and that this method must be used in order to experience the benefits of mindfulness.

I found this very discouraging, as the practice advocated involves meditating by focusing on the breath for a minimum of 20 minutes a day.  I just don't see myself doing that.  I strongly prefer Mingyur Rinpoche's less formal approach, as he suggests practices in which I am actually likely to engage.

I think mindfulness is helpful no matter how a person practices it.  Even brief moments of mindfulness are beneficial.  Anyone who has paused for 30 seconds to focus on their breath knows how calming and rejuvenating this can be.

I encourage people to adopt whatever kind of mindfulness practice works for them.  Mindfulness in any form is a practice that enriches one's life and enables a person to be more fully present in each moment.  After all, how you live each moment is how you live your life.

Thoughts like leaves on a stream

I'm not sure if I like this drawing -- most of my artwork is mediocre at best -- but I like the concept behind it. One of the key concepts of mindfulness is mindfulness of thoughts.  Being mindful of one's thoughts means watching them go by without "chasing after them" or getting caught up in them.  It's simply observing your thoughts as they occur.  Various books and articles I've read on mindfulness suggest different techniques for doing this.  One technique is to imagine a parade marching by and see your thoughts written on placards or banners.  Another is to imagine your thoughts written on leaves as they float by on a flowing stream.  That, of course, is the premise of this picture.

"Picture yourself as you are in a relationship" - an illustration

"The Unsatisfactory Nature of All Existence"

I'm almost finished reading, "Mindfulness in Plain English," a primer for mindfulness meditation written by Venerable H. Gunaratana Mahathera.  Towards the end of the book he writes,

"Through this intensive study of the negative aspects of your existence, you become deeply acquainted with dukkha, the unsatisfactory nature of all existence.  You begin to perceive dukkha at all levels of our human life, from the obvious down to the most subtle."

Have I ever!  I've started to notice how I gravitate towards pleasant experiences and how I tend to get caught up in negative emotions and have difficulty just sitting with them and exploring them with mindful curiosity.  I've become increasingly alert and aware during enjoyable activities and when I find my mind slipping away from the present moment I catch myself and remind myself to be present.  The thing is I'm catching myself doing this A LOT -- I'm definitely a thinker and my mind seems to always try to slip away from the present moment.  I get frustrated with repeatedly having to remind myself to fully experience whatever I'm doing so that I can fully ENJOY it.  I"m wondering if this is causing me to enjoy things less than I did before.

The thing is, though, I'm not sure how much I was really enjoying things before.  Maybe I'm really experiencing the fullness of life for the first time and am just frustrated with the fact that my mind keeps pulling me away from it.

I am, however, fairly confident that this is just a passing phase on my journey...

Are we more productive when we're suffering?

Have you ever noticed that when you're happy and content you are less motivated to create things?  Maybe it's just me.  I know that I've been the least productive during those periods in my life when I'm content with myself and with the world.  My most productive periods have occurred when I was in a lot of emotional pain.  I wrote or painted or drew and the creative release eased my suffering.  Even now I find I have more to say when something is bothering me -- I guess writing it down helps to sort it out. 

And think about some of the great writers, artists, musicians, and actors throughout history.  Many of them were depressed and/or on drugs.  Some died of overdoses.  Some committed suicide. 

It makes me wonder if emotional pain doesn't serve some great purpose for humankind. 

As for me, I'm making an effort to do more when I feel just fine.  I'm not sure that the quality of my work will be as good as those times when I'm creating to release negative emotional energy but I think it's important for me to try...

Perception

In my last post, "Thoughts Aren't Reality" I talked about how helpful it is to remember that each person's experience of reality is shaped by his or her perceptions.  My life and particularly my relationships significantly improved once I stopped accepting my interpretations of events as absolute truth.  I also teach my patients to do this; in fact, it is often one of the core methods of change I use throughout the therapeutic process. 

I've found it difficult, however, to not be able to trust my perceptions.  I wonder if there is an objective reality that exists somewhere outside of me or if everyone's reality is different.  If nothing is "real" -- if reality is just a product of each individual's mind -- then how do I know what to act on and what to let go?  Is this where I try to observe my perceptions and the feelings they generate mindfully and wait for the answer to arise?  Is that how I would go about improving my intuition?  In some ways I feel frozen -- not sure if my perception of certain events are accurate (or if there is such a thing as an accurate perception) and so not sure if I should act on them. 

It's very confusing and unfortunately I don't have the answers to these questions, at least not yet...

Present Moment - A Drawing

Thoughts aren't reality

I'm really beginning to understand how much perception influences a person's experience of reality.  When I say perception I mean a person's thoughts, feelings, interpretations, beliefs, assumptions, past experiences, etc. 

In his book "The Joy of Living" Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche points out one way our perceptions shape our reality:

"The more deeply we believe something is true the more likely it will become true in terms of our experience.  If we believe we are weak and incompetent no matter what the reality is we will experience ourselves as weak and incompetent."

What lesson can we take from this?  One thing I'm learning to do is to question my perceptions.  When I catch myself reacting to something someone else does I look for the assumption I've made that's caused this reaction.  Usually, I've taking something personally, assuming, "He did that because he doesn't care about me," or "She's so inconsiderate.  She doesn't even think about my feelings!"  Once I've identified the assumption I ask myself, "Is there another way of looking at the situation?"  Almost invariably there is.  For practically any given situation there is more than one way to look at it.  I might not know which of these ways of viewing the situation is "correct" but I recognize that my original interpretation of the event might be inaccurate.  This prevents me from acting (or overreacting) on impulse.

Brief thoughts on religion

I was raised in a Christian church.  I still consider myself a Christian.  And yet, I am also very fascinated by the ideas and concepts of Buddhism.  Some people might find themselves in a spiritual crisis over this but in many ways the more I learn about Buddhism the more consistent it seems with Christianity.  Many of Jesus' words and parables seem to carry the same messages that Buddha gave to his followers.

What fascinates me about Buddhism is its close relationship to psychology.  I'm a mental health therapist and I see one of my jobs as helping to alleviate others' suffering and helping others to find happiness.  One of the reasons I became interested in mental health to begin with is because I was looking for answers about how to alleviate my own suffering and how to find my own happiness.  Everything I've learned so far about Buddhism indicates that its purpose is to show people how to alleviate suffering and bring about happiness.  I feel like I've finally found the answers!!!

In the book Mindfulness in Plain English Venerable H. Gunaratana Mahathera speaks to the relationship between Buddhism and psychology:

"[Buddhism's] flavor is intensely clinical,  much more akin to what we would call psychology than to what we would usually call religion.  It is an ever-ongoing investigation of reality, a microscopic examination of the very process of perception.  Its intention is to pick apart the screen of lies and delusions through which we normally view the world, and thus to reveal the face of ultimate reality."

I really love that summary!

I Wonder

I wonder if "enlightened" people -- people who have transcended the ego -- ever get their feelings hurt.  I suppose not, as it is actually the ego that is wounded when one's feelings are hurt. 

I had a very up close and personal encounter with my ego over the weekend.  It was Friday night around 9:30 PM and I still hadn't received a phone call, a text, an instant message, or any other form of contact from the special person in my life.  Now usually I'm able to recognize when I'm overreacting or jumping to conclusions -- I remind myself that my thoughts are just thoughts, not facts.  For some reason, however, my ego got the best of me Friday night.  "He doesn't want to talk to me," I told myself.  "Something's going on.  He doesn't want to see me anymore." 

Before I could stop myself I sent him a rather sarcastic instant message: "Thanks for calling." 

"When did I call?" he responded.

"You didn't," I wrote back.

"Well I got a message from you saying thanks for calling," he replied.

"I was being sarcastic," I typed.

"Why?" he asked.

At that point I realized he had no idea why I was upset and I realized my ego had gotten the better of me.