Monday, August 31, 2009
I have to remind myself when I'm with the person I have feelings for not to get caught up in how warm and secure it makes me feel just being with him. I am trying to be mindful that this feeling is attachment and it leads to clinging. This feeling is NOT love. Love isn't about how secure he makes me feel. Sure, it's a nice feeling in the moment but it leads to me craving more of it and ultimately feeling like I need him in order to experience that security. This will cause me to fear losing him. I look forward to the day when I can experience that warm, secure feeling when I am alone or when I am with a group of friends. That will mean that I am learning to give myself the five A's (attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing) and that I am becoming more capable of giving true, pure love to other people. I cannot stop my ego from producing the feelings I have when I am with the person I care for but I can be aware of the feeling, sit with it mindfully, and recognize it for what it is.
I Cry Because:
I cry because I have become accustomed to trying to get other people to meet my needs
And now I'm struggling to fulfill them for myself.
I cry because I'm digging so deeply it hurts
And because my ego is doing what it always does: cling, desire, fear, etc.
I cry now but I know I will not cry forever --
In the end I will learn to give myself everything that I need
And then I will no longer have a reason to cry.
This poem is based on a writing prompt from "Dew's Poem Starters." It's called, "I Saw Sadness."
I saw sadness clearly.
She was long and thin.
She crept silently, slowly,
I saw her mahogany hair,
Got lost in the darkness of her black, black stare,
Her skin melded imperceptibly with the night
And they became as one.
I heard her husky, seductive whisper
And I felt myself gasping for air
As she devoured me.